Over the years, we have seen unbelievable transformations. This is one of them!
Meet Katy (ie). Katy is a Capricorn, likes long walks on the beach and LOVES Fall Out Boy (don’t hold it against her!) Katy started at BAMF in the same way that so many others do! Listen to her story and let her words work their magic.
I am my Own Muse
By Kaitlyn Powell
“Let me encourage you today that if you feel broken and that your heart is in pieces, God can mend them back together with all the skill of a Kintsugi artist. He promises us that “He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.” Psalms 34:18
Well, hello there, some way or another you have made your way to this blog, and we are all glad you are here. Whether you are a current, past, or curious about joining Backward Arrow Modern Fitness, welcome. My name is Katy(ie), and I am glad that you get to read a little about me and my journey today. I am not going to lie when I say that this was one of the hardest things I have ever written about, even with it being my own story. I find it so magically crazy how far I have come leading up to me writing this for the blog. Backward Arrow Modern Fitness (BAMF) and the people in this gym are by far the most inspiring, uplifting, and all became more than just a CrossFit gym and athletes. Nine months ago, I was a wallflower who didn’t know the magic I was about to find within myself, the person I would lose, the person I would gain or how much I would blossom over the course of the next few months.
The last :30 seconds of “I am my Own Muse” by Fall Out Boy are filled with deep hums of a bass, strong guitar riffs, and drums that will make you feel it in your bones, and I hear it every time I think about my journey and the storm that has building within myself for months and what keeps me going on this journey. That’s what makes the story, the story.
“The only thing stopping me is me.”
Like I said the past four or five months really has been about switching my focus from needing the boost from others to becoming the boost others need. I went to the doctor in March in search of some sort of “magic” pill to cure all my problems, the crippling anxiety, the depression, the weight, and the misery I was creating for myself. This particular doctor’s appointment I was 242 pounds, my labs were little to be desired with an insulin level at a whopping 28 and didn’t feel like anything I did mattered. I was well on my way to becoming just like everyone else in my family, diabetic, on medication after medication for anxiety and depression, and relying on others to fix my problems for me. I left that doctor’s appointment with a challenge to become a better me and overhaul my life. I still was honed in on losing weight and the other stuff was simply going to fix itself if I worked out more. The PA I see with my family doctor started me on a low dose of phentermine, gave me a tool like MyFitnessPal to start tracking not only what I was eating but also how to meet my goals with nutrition to meet what I was burning in my workouts, and to take a deeper look into myself to see if I could better manage my stress, anxiety, and depression.
But where do you start? I thought losing the weight would make me a happier person and that it was going to solve all the problems that my anxiety has created but I would come to find out it doesn’t. My wonderful and amazing twin flame of a boyfriend, who got me into CrossFit, in the first place was ready as well. He was over constantly having to reassure me, constantly feeling like I was slipping further into my self-doubts and he was ready to finally see the girl he had fallen in love with, not the shell of someone he once knew. Not only that, but become someone that was proud of herself. I didn’t want to push people away. People, like our children and my boyfriend, who mean so much to me and who would always have my back. I wanted to be a better person not only for myself but for my family as well.
Not too long after this doctor’s appointment and right before my first CrossFit competition, I decided to do something to start pushing me outside of this shell I was constantly finding myself in… I dyed my hair pink!! And baby when I tell you a star was born, a star was born!! I loved the feeling of all the eyes being on me and the out of body experience it gave to see myself how others have seen me.
I was turning the world upside down and finally undoing the 26 years of insecurities that had been constantly fed to me to become my true self, and maybe just maybe inspire someone else along the way. It is HARD having to undo these things we are fed throughout life and try to become better. I can tell you it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have always allowed myself and others to let my weight define and confine me to missing out on a lot of things. For the first time in my 26 years of life, it is no longer a confinement that I wish to live in.
You are going to have bad days trying to undo this but don’t let them ever derail you from what you want for yourself! You are going to have to make hard decisions on relationships that are toxic to you and the journey (this includes family), have fun in the bad days and don’t give up.
Fall Out Boy also has a song called Heartbreak Feels So Good and a lyric within the song is “We can cry a little, cry a lot, don’t stop dancing, don’t dare stop, we could dance the tears way and emancipate ourselves” It is going to hurt like a big dog making the decisions and making the changes, but it will free you in the end.
I have also been incorporating the Japanese philosophy of Kintsugi. The idea of Kintsugi believes that we should find beauty in the broken parts of our journeys and ourselves. To not forget that brokenness but honor it and how it has shaped you into the person you are today.
There is a picture in the gym of myself that I always say that if I could go back, I would kick her butt and tell her how dumb she was to be so harsh on herself, but I thank her because without her I would not be here today to tell you this story. Josh has always told me that even when you don’t feel like coming to the gym…come. Come on the good days, come on the bad days, and come just to be surrounded by those who want to help you feel better or add to the good day.
I stand here bravely today before my fellow BAMF family and those of you meeting me for the first time to say.. do the things that without a doubt scare you, take the chances you would never ever take and just be wonderfully (and weirdly) you.
I have lost almost 35 pounds, two jean sizes, one negative person, the sources of my anxiety and depression and gained a new outlook on life, relationships that will remain with me a lifetime and gained a new me.
Looking back, all this weight lost is so vague compared to what I have gained. If I could go back, I would have done it a lot sooner. The only person who can make these changes is you, the only person who can go through the fire and come out victorious is you, and no one is going to be your biggest cheerleader but you. Knock those walls of insecurity down and build the confidence to the sky and beyond. Rewrite your whole story, throw stardust on everything, and make it happen. Life is beautiful and are you! Thank you for taking the time to read this.
You can have a story like this too! All you have to do is start!
Not sure what to do? Schedule your Free Intro and see how we can get you started!
A very SPECIAL THANK YOU to Katy for sharing her story! You are amazing and we are so proud of you!